Filed Under (Living) by Humor

I was walking over to my friends house and when i entered his house to my surprise there was a giant mess all over his carpet. I asked what happened and he said his mom was carrying a bottle of wine down to the basement, when her dog ran by and tripped her. She was okay, but I noticed that his mother was kind of upset about the rug. She was searching the Internet with the words Plano Carpet Cleaning. I suggested that she should call a cleaning company in Dallas instead.

She asked me why that company and I told her that my dad works there and they have amazing prices and get the job done as quick as a whip. So she called them up.and they were able to be there in an hour and a half. She said if they weren’t there in an hour and a half she would continue her search for Dallas Carpet Cleaning. I told her that they would be here right on time. They are a great residential business. Before you know it they were here and ready to get to work.

When the man stepped out of the van, I was quite surprised to learn that it was my own dad. He was very willing to get to right to work, so he looked at the stain and knew exactly how bad it was. He went back to his van got his supplies and started cleaning, and before you know it he was done cleaning and the rug looked good as new. She was quite impressed with how fast he works for such a great price. Before my dad left he said, ” I appreciate that you chose us over all the other companies in Plano and Dallas.With a smile on his face ,he left the house and drove off.

Filed Under (Internet) by Humor

Los Angeles, CA - A new dating site opened on the Internet today targeting mutants and aliens. “We thought there was more than a few of them running around out there, so we believed they might need a place to meet online conveniently.” says founder Robert X. Terra. The site www.ET-Mutant-Dating.com is free, and the site received 4,500 sign-ups the first day. Some of the more famous registrants included: an older, more sophisticated E.T., a graying Chewbacca, and the vivacious Storm from X-Men fame.

Filed Under (Poll Results) by Humor

HumorUpdate.com - USA - Does it really make a difference if a person uses the fan after taking a dump, or not?

Yes - 10%
No - 89%
Undecided - 1%

Michelle Williams of Seattle, WA, summed it up best: “My husband leaves the bathroom with a smell so strong, the dogs won’t go in there. That fan doesn’t do jack.”

Filed Under (Science) by Humor

Greensboro, NC - If you ever wanted to smoke all day long without disturbing anyone next to you, the new Smoker Super Helmet could be for you. Developed by TobaccoForever, Inc., the versatile unit cuts down on cigarette expense by trapping in smoke for up to 6 hours, extending the life of one pack to 1-3 days.

Critics point out that not much oxygen will get in there. However, users of the new product don’t seem to care.”I’m here to smoke ‘em up. If I was worried about oxygen, I’d wear a freakin’ oxygen mask.” Johnny Lighter argued. Company spokesman Bob Carton added “The Smoker Super Helmet looks rigid, but can actually be molded, much like a Spider-Man doll, for example. We also point out that cigars or other fine smoking products can be enhanced with the new Smoker Super Helmet.”

Husband takes anti-aging pill - and it works

Miami, FL - Patty Delgado, wife of Alejandro Delgado, could hardly believe her eyes when she woke up.

Filed Under (Living) by Humor

New York, NY - Drug manufacturer WhatsWrongWithThisPicture announced today that a new pill will cure the common cold in six hours. News of the new pill sent shares of the company’s stock skyrocketing, to close at 20.25, up 172%. “We’re excited and happy to do the public some good.” spokesperson Eric QuickTurnaround said today. Of course the new Isitworthit pill has a few minor side-effects, as with all new drugs these days.

The possible minor side-effects included:

Head and body hair self-igniting
Vomiting while sleeping
Toe-nails, finger-nails, and skin falling off
Urge to throw boss out the window
Inability to determine left from right
Craving for fried guinea pig

Just remember, your cold will be gone